Blurry

Lately life's blurry. It's raining outside and I can hear every single raindrop knocking on my window. My Hands are shaking and I can barely breathe. I knew that this day would come sooner or later - but I hoped it had been later. I never was a friend of big words or saying goodbye, probably I'll never be. I'm saying the words again and again but I don't realize it. I won't let this happen, everything seems so unreal.

I remember everything , every single detail. It fills my heart and my body with warmth, joy and happiness. I have spend my whole childhood at this house, in this garden, with these dogs, hens, rabbits, birds. Spending the whole day outside was the best thing for me. The animals became my best friends and I knew from that day on that I'll never be as happy as I was back then.

And even though all these dogs and rabbits and hens are dead by now, they're still with me. And I remember every single one of them. That's why I know that I'll never forget you, you'll always be by my side. You told me so many things about your childhood and your early pregnancy and how you had to move out and how you had to find a way to go on. You're one of the strongest women I ever met and I'm so glad that I had the chance to learn so many things from you. I wouldn't be the same person without you in my life.

My great grandmother got diagnosed with cancer last week. There's nothing they can do for her. All we can do now is to make the best of the days we still have.

I hope that she'll be proud of me, just like I'm proud of her.